So, you’ve done the hard work, be it detoxing, finishing rehab, or figuring out how to become sober. You deserve applause, and you should be very proud of yourself!
But now comes a challenge that doesn’t get talked about enough – how can you stay sober when the people around you are still drinking or using?
Maybe your buddies still invite you to night outs every weekend. And perhaps some of your relatives will entice you to one drink during family events. Or some coworkers will compel you to attend an alcohol-fuelled social function. Whatever the situation, being around individuals who drink and use drugs makes it difficult to remain sober.
I’ve worked with hundreds of people in recovery, and this struggle always comes up. So let me share some real and practical strategies that have helped others navigate this tricky situation.
Let’s Talk About Social Pressure
Let’s begin by addressing the elephant in the room. Social pressure is real and can seriously interfere with your recuperation. Being human, we are programmed to fit in. We do best in groups; being different could cause unease.
It’s normal to feel that pull. But, if your path to recovery is really important to you, negotiating through these influences calls for more awareness and some strategies.
As one client has confessed, “When everyone else is holding a beer, sometimes I feel like wearing a huge neon sign reading ‘NOT DRINKING’.”
The positive side? This discomfort will fade with time. However, you must first endure that awkward stage.
Strategy #1: Know Your “Why” and Own It
Reminding yourself of your motivations for quitting can be your consistent anchor in turbulent seas when sobriety seems rough.
Take a moment to write down your personal “why”. Discuss in detail the real, honest reasons you chose to get sober. Keep it handy on your phone so you can revisit it whenever you need a reminder.
Your “why” can include:
- Health concerns
- Relationship improvements
- Career goals
- Mental clarity
- Financial benefits
- Breaking family patterns
One of our Sydney support members keeps a before/after photo set as her phone lock screen. “The “before” is me in a hospital bed following an overdose. The ‘after’ is me trekking with my children in the Blue Mountains. I just look at my phone to recall why I need to decline when someone offers me a drink.”
Your reminder doesn’t have to be overly dramatic. When societal pressure strikes, it only has to link you fast to your personal reality.
Strategy #2: Have Go-To Drink Alternatives
Having empty hands is one of the greatest difficulties in social situations for those who are trying to stay sober. Not having to hold anything could make you feel out of place while everyone else has a drink.
The easy fix? Always have a non-alcoholic drink in hand. But don’t just settle for plain water. Make it something fun and enjoyable!
Some options that can work well include the following:
- Soda water with lime (looks exactly like a gin and tonic)
- Virgin versions of cocktails
- Kombucha in a wine glass
- Non-alcoholic beers (which have improved dramatically in recent years)
- Interesting tea blends for dinner parties
Here’s what a client from Melbourne told me, “I always get a soda water with lime in a rocks glass. No one doubts it as it looks precisely like a vodka soda. I have attended whole business events without anyone knowing I was not drinking.”
The goal is not deceit but rather minimising the friction of social events so you can concentrate on having fun without constantly justifying your sobriety.
Strategy #3: Rehearse Your Responses
Many people are often caught off guard by this straightforward question: “Why aren’t you drinking?”
Here are a few replies to help you avoid the deer-in-headlights situation:
- “I’m the designated driver tonight.”
- “I’m on medication that doesn’t mix with alcohol.”
- “I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”
- “I’m doing a fitness challenge this month.”
- “I just don’t feel like drinking tonight.”
- “I’ve realised alcohol doesn’t agree with me anymore.”
Or if you’re comfortable being direct:
- “I’m in recovery and don’t drink anymore.”
The key is to look for answers that seem genuine to you and practice them until they flow effortlessly. Say them out loud first; then use them.
Many of these answers are self-explanatory. They’re meant to answer the awkward inquiry and move along.
Strategy #4: Surround Yourself With People Who Support You
Having even one person who truly gets what you’re going through can change everything.
This might imply:
- Joining a support group where you can connect with others who truly understand your journey.
- Looking for sobriety-oriented online groups
- Finding friends in your network who support your decision
- Working with an addiction specialist counsellor
A man in his 40s who is trying to get sober once told me: “During the first year, I essentially had two buddies I could truly rely on to get it. But those two were total lifesavers. Before and after challenging social engagements, I would message them; just knowing they were in my corner helped to make everything more bearable.”
Should you be in Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide, or any other major city, several support groups are easily accessible. In smaller towns, you can get online since local resources may be scarce.
Strategy #5: Ride Out Cravings with Confidence
Cravings come in waves – they rise, peak, and eventually fade. The key is learning to ride them out instead of letting them pull you under.
When a craving hits in a social situation, here’s what you can do:
- Notice it happening. Think of it only as a mere craving that will eventually go away.
- Check the time. Most cravings last 15-30 minutes.
- Apply the 5-5-5 Strategy: Concentrate on five items you can see, five sounds you can hear, and five sensations you can experience.
- Move your body. Go outside for fresh air or excuse yourself to the restroom.
- Phone a supporter. A 2-minute call can occasionally break the hunger cycle.
A woman who’s been sober for 3 years described it this way: “I used to believe that if I didn’t give in, urges would continue eternally. Now I realize they’re just transient. Sometimes severe, but I have never had a craving that never went away.”
Strategy #6: Be Choosy with the Events You Attend to
While you establish your sobriety, it is advisable to temporarily stay away from high-risk situations early in your recovery. But for most individuals, long-term, total solitude might not be sustainable.
What you can do instead is to carefully select the social events to attend. Ask yourself these questions:
- Is it really important for you to be there?
- Can you have a supportive friend accompany you?
- Is it possible to arrive late and then leave early if you want to?
- Is there a reason to attend beyond just drinking?
- Are there activities that do not require drinking?
A teacher from Regional Victoria shared: “I skip the Friday cocktails at the pub, but I never miss the Saturday morning walking group. I have discovered which activities truly enrich my life as opposed to others that were only about drinking.”
Remember, this is not avoiding life. You are merely making sensible choices to achieve your goals.
Strategy #7: Think of Other Ways to De-stress
Many individuals treat drugs or alcohol as stress-relievers or rewards. So if you want long-term success, you must turn to other ways to relax.
Some replacement rituals you may find helpful are:
- After work relaxation: Substitute drinking with meditation, exercise, or walking.
- Celebration: Replace drinking with special meals, experiences, or purchases
- Social connection: Instead of bar nights, look for activity-based events, or go on coffee dates.
- Stress relief: Don’t turn to substances, but try nature time, creative activities, or exercise.
One client who tends to use substances on weekends discovered that reserving Saturday morning for surfing classes radically improved his Friday night conduct: “When you’ve paid for a 7 AM surf class, I can’t stay up all night using drugs. The water finally became my new high.”
What works is different for everyone. The key is to try different things until you find healthy alternatives that truly meet the needs that substances once did.
Strategy #8: Know what Triggers your “HALT”
Many relapses occur when people are:
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
Knowing these susceptible states will help you get ready when going to social functions. Check in with yourself first:
- Have I eaten recently?
- Am I feeling emotionally balanced?
- Have I connected with supportive people lately?
- Am I well-rested?
If you’re feeling off in any of these areas, take care of yourself first before stepping into a tricky social situation.
Strategy #9: View Social Events for What They Actually Are
When social awkwardness sets in, keep this in mind: most individuals are too preoccupied with themselves to be giving you that much notice.
That friend who keeps offering you drinks? They’re probably not fixated on your sobriety, they might just be looking for reassurance about their own drinking.
A businessman I know who was sober after 20 years of heavy drinking has said: “I was really concerned that everyone would see and criticise me for not drinking at work functions. Six months in, I discovered that just two individuals had truly noticed the shift. The rest of the world was too busy with their own affairs to even monitor my drink choices.”
This point of view is not intended to downplay actual social forces. But understanding that you are likely under less scrutiny could help to reduce the social anxiety that usually follows early sobriety.
Strategy #10: Be Kind to Yourself
Recovery is not linear. Some days, keeping sober seems easy. But at times, it seems almost impossible.
On those harder days, self-compassion is critical, which means you must:
- Talk to yourself with the kindness you’d offer a good friend
- Recognise that struggle is part of the human experience
- Maintain perspective rather than catastrophizing setbacks
A woman who relapsed several times before achieving long-term sobriety shared: “The biggest difference in my last recovery attempt? How I treated myself when things got tough. I began to see how difficult it was and started giving myself credit for turning up and trying rather than berating myself for having cravings or feeling awkward in social settings.”
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence. It’s understanding the road is challenging and deciding to be your own friend instead of your most severe critic.
The Secret Most People Don’t Tell You
Here’s something many long-term sober people realise, but that doesn’t get talked about much during early recovery: eventually, many substance-fueled social engagements merely lose their appeal as they previously appeared.
That does not imply you will never like events or get-togethers ever again. It just indicates that your concept of what constitutes a really wonderful time could begin to shift.
After battling addiction in his twenties, a guy who has been sober for seven years offers this: “Parties used to make me anxious. Now I see folks gathering around a bar yelling to be heard over loud music, having the same discussions they had last weekend, and wonder ‘what precisely am I missing?’ What is considered a good time has completely changed for me.”
And that over time, it happens all by itself. You don’t make it happen. But sharing it, though, might help alleviate some of the worries that go with sobriety.
Others Have Been There Too
Being sober while everyone around you drinks or uses can be extremely hard, especially at the beginning of your journey. But with time and practice, it gets easier. The discomfort that feels overwhelming at first usually fades as you grow more confident in your new way of living.
The preceding strategies are not merely theoretical. They are practical ones that have been proven effective for real people staying sober in cities and towns throughout Australia and beyond. Not every plan may resonate with you, and that’s okay. Recovery is personal, and finding your own path is part of the journey.
Every single day you stay sober is a win worth celebrating. It takes real courage to walk a different path when those around you aren’t making the same choice, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
You’re not alone. Thousands of people have been exactly where you are, navigating the same struggles, and they’ve built fuller, more authentic lives without substances—even when their social circles stayed the same.
You can do this. One event, one weekend, one challenge at a time.
